Wednesday, November 4, 2009

"放不下的大石",11月4日,雨!

其实一个人有多成功,不是在于他有多少钱或有多少权利!你可以什么都没有,可以是一个普通的人,而你在别人的心目中占有一个地位才是本事!不管别人对他的印象是好还是坏的,他都成功影响了很多人。很多人为他担心,很多人为他觉得可惜,很多人为他哭泣,而此时此刻,也有很多人会像我那样放不下!

今天,我们应该为CW 开心,因为是他的生日。不过,整个路途中,我都会想起元凯!真的觉得很对不起,不是说要放下就放下。我一得空或是放下心情的时候,就会想起他。想着为什么他会死,怎样死,而他最后一面又会是怎样的。都觉得有一点后悔,为一可以为他做的,我都办不到,没去看他。

今天,在学院的时候,我经过CM的科室。以前,都会看见星仔在那里,都会看见他认真做事的样子,有时傻笑的样子。我还记得,他讲话吞吞吐吐的呢!有时候,又会在BLOCK E看到他,有时候,又会在DDK外见到元凯!哈哈!不过,今天走过,BLOCK E冷冷清清的,CM科室一个人也没有,走廊就只有那几个人,仿佛没了他们,就没了乐趣,可能是我心情低落吧,因为平时会注意的人不在了,以后都不在了!没有了星仔对我傻笑,没有元凯来欺负我了!很可悲的是,我曾经和元凯很亲密,很接近,大家住在一起,可是,连一张照片也没有,连他生日我也不记得了。现在,我有一个电话号码,我不能再打了。有两个MSN CONTACT 永远都不会再ONLINE了。算是遗憾吗?

Monday, November 2, 2009

"元凯和星仔走了!",11月2日,阴。

昨晚到今天都带着一个很不安的心情。人真得很奇怪,有的时候,偏偏不珍惜,没有的时候才心思思。昨天晚上,我发现了一个很惊人的消息。那个在我印象中,心底脆弱而外表坚强的许元凯走了!好好的一个人,就这样走了,就是说走就走!更可悲的是,星仔也一起走了。林耀鸿啊,你是天下间最倒霉的人。以前,中学的时候,又是这样失去一个朋友,现在又是这样,失去朋友!

其实,天会不会很不公平?一个好好的人,应该得到这样的下场吗?如果,他是病死,我们还说可以接受,这一个事实。可是,万万都想不到,寻找开心的代价是那么大的!报章有报道说,道地的村民有劝他们不要下水玩,可是有没有都好,是谁的错都好,事情已经发生了!我总是觉得很不公平,很无辜!Nigel 出事的时候,我很明白,哪一种感觉是害怕,恐惧,还有担心。而这一次,我没有那么伤心,而是一直在想这一个人的好,他的每一件事,他说的话,他的样子,还有怀念那一种特别的感觉。这两个人,在我心目中留下了很特别的印象,搞得我心不在焉,因为他们是很特别的人!

还记得,我第一次到金宝的时候,第一个认识的人,就是你啦,许元凯!我总觉得你是真得很好看,不过,我没说出来。如果,你现在听到,一定很开心。你真的是一个很好的人,因为,我想了很久,都想不到你有什么不好,而你好的一面,一幕一幕的反应在我脑海里。我反而很怕,很怕我曾经对不起你,亏待你!如果有的话,我真的不知道要如何为你补偿。对不起,我没为你做过很特别的事,而你一直都扮演着一个很好的角色。看来,不会做人的是我!

喂,你还记得,你爱美的样子吗?那时,做UTAR MODEL时,一直减肥,练FIT自己。哈哈!许元凯,你有一个很好听的名字,有一个很好看的样子,有一个很特别的声音,有一个很开朗的性格,已经很特别了。我会记得你跟我过,不要为了别人的事而烦,让自己不开心,你也是哦!到怎么讲,我都会希望你会开心。你走了,我答应你,我心中会留一个位给你,是永久地契的哦,满意吗?哈哈!安息啦!

Friday, September 11, 2009

"Glad that everyone is ok!", 11Sept, midnight!

I went through some of friend’s blog. Saw them having great time and I think there really fine now. Actually I do miss those times where we are together in high school. The school sucks but things are rather memorable. Haha! And and and, some people I really miss. I saw QY in facebook today. Gosh, suddenly refreshes my mind, everything about us just pop up in the mind, what he said, what he did and it seems like things changed a lot and he gets better and better. I don’t know what to say. I just miss him a lot. Many things that he thought me and every time I just remembered it but I don’t realized it. After I saw his face, I do remember this person. He is really a great guy and really a person I can talk to. But I hope not a bull now coz everyone already grown up and I hope he never smokes. How good if a guy likes soft toys?

I wonder how goes with Kathleen, Atika, Melanie, Soon Tat? How good if I can meet everyone! Haha… Everyone now… just… so good but seem like I’m still me… haih! Sucks! Exams coming up but can’t sleep. There are many things I need to worry about. Test, test, test, assignment, assignment, assignment, and finally exam, exam, exam! Never mind, good night everybody!

Wednesday, September 9, 2009

"Another Thoughts of My", 9 Sept, boring day!

All the problems already solve, Aboy temporarily not a problem now, and money already in hand. But still, some things come to my mind. I went out supper with FH just now. I, FH, KT & JC talked a lot about people in the class, and I found out many things about people. Comparing this semester to last semester, I really did a great job in handling all my stuff and I really glad that I’m back. I’m doing what I’m supposed to do, doing all the assignments and really study for everything. In fact, sometimes things are really unfair in life. I mean I do work hard and I aimed very good marks in the assignments but just that I cannot aim well in tests and quizzes, my coursework are all lower than BH. I know that he is actually trying to be humble but is just his way is totally wrong and people feel uncomfortable. He likes to compare, and when we found out he lied and his better than us, he just say that his lucky. Ya rite, I got cia.

Actually, I don’t think much about that because I know how much I did and I don’t want to compare with people. But, it’s when I know how much I did, people got better than me just because I did the best. Wait, I’m I wrong in thinking or I’m jealous. People are jealous, people gone mad about jealousy, why should I. Now the point is, are people beside me really using me or they are really people that really I can be friend with. I mean, I do like this guy! I can say that he is nice, can say that he is good looking and sometimes, he make me feel warm to have him around. But ugrh, think about he is stingy, selfish, political and sometimes noob like shit. God, how on earth people like that can survive.

So, I really don’t know how people think. As when they come with words that says they want to group with me, what really comes in their mind first? Wow, this guy can do well in assignments or this guy is really a good person I can work with? I’m really confused! Many times I realized that people did their job and send to me but it end up I need to edit everything then only include in the assignments. Is it my requirements and standards are high or I cannot trust people at all where I rather do things myself. But I can proof my stuff can really aim for higher marks, that’s the truth. So, my fault or peoples’ fault?

There is one thing that I totally disagree with Albert, a good leader should give guidance to their members but as if I need to teach them from the top to the end, why should I pass the work to them, why not I do it myself? Is not that I should teach them how to do. If it’s like that, why I want you where you didn’t bare my burden at all. I would have to think properly for semester! Having members should allow us to come up with something better but not having my job more heavily. But I cannot deny that BH did a little job in helping. I just wonder, it doesn’t come up to my mind that I can simply include people’s work without checking it. Oh, maybe Lawrence? Maybe I thought too much and instead I should leave BH next semester. Actually, without notice, he really has potential to be a leader. I mean like me, I would like my members to be independent, I tell the requirements and they perform whatever they can. But he will suddenly come to you and ask you either do you need help or do need text book. That’s when I feel warm! He so concern is because of coursework marks or he is concern on me? I rather people concern on me!

Sunday, September 6, 2009

"感想",9月6日,又是超烂的一天!

我发现,其实我自己真得很可悲。有一些时候,很困难,没有人可以靠。是自己孤僻还是人家都不喜欢我?刚才,我做了很白疵的事,为了省钱,骗永杰他们,拒绝他们一起晚餐。结果,就搞成自己这样。

其实,已经很久,我都不开心了。自己买饭,自己吃饭,我还觉得我开始像以前的CW,常常连着别人。以前,我去买饭,我都会觉得今天的菜还不错,便宜又好吃。可是刚才,我走在路上,都不知道拿着那包饭做什么?我不想怨的,就因为妈妈,我要省钱,搞得自己,这个又不能,自己都不像自己,远离朋友,不合他们玩,连那个开心地我,都走了!人真得很可悲,每个人都被钱绑着,为钱烦,为钱努力,为钱工作,甚至还有一些,为钱死。我养了ABOY我当然懂妈妈有多辛苦!自己吃不饱,都要喂饱它,不顾情,也该顾责任吧!可是这个道理,我学会了,但妈妈不会站在我立场想。如果她是那么的反对,当初就不该叫我如何养狗,对不对?我厌倦和人相处可是更厌倦自己一个人。我不能赖妈妈,而是自己做得不好。其实真的很幸运,有辉煌,突然觉得还对人家不够好呢!

我开始觉得自己很惨,我很烦,我讨厌那个家,讨厌那个妈妈,讨厌自己,讨厌工作,讨厌现实,讨厌生活!天是不是在玩我,偏要在我考试的时候,让我那么烦!我千万不能乱,我还有自己的目标。不用怕,还有时间,不可以乱!我告诉你哦,林耀鸿是坚强的,不会那么容易打倒的,辛苦我都要撑下去,真的!

Friday, September 4, 2009

"烦死人啊!",9月4日,又是很烂的一天啊!

他妈的!是不是要搞得,我很可怜,吃不好,谁不着?其实,我也有不好,用钱没规划,不过也不用搞得现在我那么烦嘛!其实,这几天都不能好好平复自己的心情。有很多是要烦!上一个SEM为了N的事,搞得我心不在焉。处理感情,我不行啦!什么事都不做,就让上个SEM拿得那么烂的成绩!这个SEM真的要双倍努力,才可以拿回3.0! 很希望这个时候,有一个人会在身边安慰我,支持我。不过,可以依赖的妈妈,偏又在这个不适当的时候,让我那么烦!我应该赶快解决掉这个问题,要不然,考试的时候,不是烦上加烦吗?但是,上一次,鼓起了勇气,打电话给她,可是她说她忙,现在又如何在鼓起勇气去解决呢?不简单啊!有谁能救救我啊?

我累了!

很久没写BLOG了!这个SEM超忙的,连放下心情,透透气,都没时间。人家说,人生是享受,可是对我来讲,人生何时是享受,而是烦恼和问题!这几天,我都一直很烦!很多东西要做,很多东西要想,搞得我都不知道是怎样了!

一开始,我真得很喜欢在这里,因为有自己的空间,有自己的时间。不过,在这里呆了那么就,反而觉得很厌倦,你懂吗。到底,有没有人能了解呢?真心的知己,又没几个,本来有,又因为白疵的事,搞得大家,话也没几句,还有点偏见。本来,可以好好做朋友的,就搞得现在,一个月都不知有讲几句话。不知道,我到底在人家心底,我是怎样的价值。本来,和这间家的人都很不错,不过很多事情,我都很难认同,他们的pattern beh tahan 勒!看到喜欢的人,又撞墙。安慰的是,还有辉煌和宝熊。这两个人,算是我接触最多的吧!

其实,平时都很照顾自己的形象,好好打扮打扮,要显得帅一点,可是其实自己不就是很烂,你说对不对?不知道自己在别人眼中,我是怎样的呢?很累啊,天天都要烦,有朋友又烦,怕伤害别人;没朋友,又烦!人生不就是烦咯!

Aboy 的事又搞得我也很烦。妈妈又不体谅,每一次打来,要骂我,都可以,因为错就该骂吗,我明白。可是最不能忍受的事,每一次,话说不对,就盖人电话,就搞得我心情很烦。前几天,不就应为这样,忍无可忍,和她吵起来咯。我还有很多事情要做,给她那搞一搞,又搞扎了我好好的一天。每一次,都给我压力。我明白,她也很辛苦,可是两母子,是不是因该有商有量的呢?给我一点时间,去找一个很好的方法,解决我的不是吗!钱,钱,钱!我在这里过好一点,就花很多钱。养那只狗,又花很多钱。现在,你看,我拼命省钱,就变得自己变孤岛咯!很可怜啦!想哭啊!

Aboy的事,我承认,它真的是一个很大的负担,对于大家来讲,如果可以送走它,我们大家都会轻松一点。可是没有人会明白到,我对它那一份感情,不是只是责任,而是朋友。它虽然有时让人生气,可是我看见他的可爱,看见他的尊重,看见他的乖巧,看见他很多很好的一面。只是,没人明白,它是一只狗,不会想的狗,而不是它要特地得罪人的!

明天要交租金了,又怕妈妈没进钱,公司又迟迟不进钱,我要死了啦!烦死啦!