Do you ever feel lost sometime, addicted to something and totally lost yourself? Its like drugs, when you take it, you cannot loose it; or computer games. When you started first level, because of ego, you will keep playing until you got the best. I once happened to be like that. Year 1 Semester 2, a moment that I regretted a lot, moment that change my performance, moment that I fell deep into a place that I was lost. I once thought that I am a though guy and no matter what, I'm good in handling things. When you see what happen to people, you will feel that they are stupid and such easy thing they cannot handle. However, as when u in the situation, you could not think rationally and you cannot decide what to do then the problem brings you lower.
Sometimes I am worry that I'm lonely, no friends because I don't like social so much. I know, I hate myself for being so materialistic. I met this guy in the internet yesterday. He told me that his the other half left him because someone else came into the relationship. Buy em car, give em money and I think em left to be his sex toy. This is what the guy said. I mentioned the other half and you should know how well the relationship is. Will em regret someday? I met a lot of people these days and they are really interesting people. However they come in a common thing, something that I'm not sure of, but there is only one that never come with a common thing. At the first time, I don't feel good about this person because of my own stupid opinion and being materialistic. After that, I met a lot of people and I heard a news that this special person of my decided to leave for study. There is a different kind of feeling at the moment. Missing, We never started anything but I do know the fact that this person is a good person.
I really lost these day, playing around with other people and I totally forgot about settling down and this person. I was hoping to find a better one but I don't think life is that simple. Year back I met this bisexual guy on the internet. He was flirting with me but it ended up inspiring. Forgot about flirting thing, it is really good to know him. We talked and I think that's what he wanted a lot. Saying things that no one could be told. Maybe because of work? I hope I won't get there someday but there will be someone special. I really wish that there is a reason for me to stop thinking other stuff, distracted and I should focus in work now... I have to work better and where is the Antony I was looking for?
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