Bad Luck, Good Life?

There are many choices in life but I think I made the wrong one. I used to believe that working with passion and being responsible is really important in work. However, it seems that I am wrong now because being so caused me a lot of money and maybe a scar or even defects in life.

I used to love working in the bridal house because I build this great interest in this industry as in a way of helping my brother. Swear to God, I am truthful. I wished that my responsibility will help others more. So every time I worked extra hard just to make a little thing perfect. I was hurt when my brother told me that I was helpless but I know I already done my best. Now my heart is no longer with him. Do you know how awful when people were saying bad things about your brother and yes, he is not a good person though. No matter how I tried to change people's mind about him, I am the one who gets all blame. I know I am not good enough but I already done my best. That is the only way I can be with no authorizations with such great responsibility.

Most of the time is not that I don't want to do but I just can't handle so many in a time. Most of the time is not that I don't want to listen, in just that I want to correct his thoughts. Most of the time is not that I don't want to support him, is just that I am not capable to. Most of the time I argue with him because I care about the company. Never mind anyway, I know I am wrong. My fault for everything and I deserve this.

It is quite sad that I have no one to talk to about this. I might be going for surgery soon. Payment is the biggest problem, work is another problem, family is another problem... How would it be in this way? Someone once told me that God will not give us whatever we want but giving a chance for us to get whatever we want. Is it true? Is this a chance for me to learn? Why do I pray everyday and this is what I get?